Boot Camp B (buddies, bitches, babes whatever ;) )











He’s back. My ex is back in the picture.  I hate the power that has to hurt me. I hate that I feel like I’m the one being a burden to my family because I’m the one with unresolved issues. I hate that he let his wife abuse me for YEARS. I hate that he took my son to live away from me for YEARS, and now when it’s talked about the boy speaks of it with such bitterness.  I hate that I thought I was doing the right things for YEARS, taking their shit to maintain what I thought was “the peace” to give our children a happy family life. I let them walk on me. I let them have my son and not give him a room of his own, a bed even, of his own. I let them make my boy feel like he was not important.  I hate that he left us after the world exploded, to be with her still. I hate him for abandoning us. I hate him that he left me to clean up the mess, to go through the hard parts, only to have him come back years later when most of us are mostly healed. Where the fuck was he through the last five years that he gets to waltz back in and reap the benefits of the hard work this family has done to get where we are? With her. With the one that was half to blame for our world exploding. And why is he back? Is it because he saw the light? No. It’s because she kicked him out. He’s back reaping the rewards of our dedication to this family and he is not worthy.

Why do I hate him so? When I went through a period of dealing with the emotional fallout of those years of hell, he not once had a kind word for me. He let her destroy me further, and then he blocked me and removed me completely from his life. She kicks him out and suddenly he’s back. Seriously?

Suddenly he was all over my facebook. Commenting on my friends and family posts. Every single time he appears, it causes me angst. I have shed more tears because of the reaction my heart, mind and body has to him in the last few months than I’ve shed in the last decade over him. Easy fix, I thought. You don’t get to control how much you are in my life. I do. “Block”. Ahhhhhhhhh!

Except it’s not that easy… my sons love to laugh about the good times had with Andy and Andrew. I sat gritting my teeth the other night while they regaled the masses at my bar with the hilarity. I fought back tears, smiled, laughed, said all the right things, and inside I was dying in pain. I’ve not been back to the bar since.

So why now am I so filled with angst that I need to blog and purge? My family created an event on FB for the fireworks. I didn’t see it until I got tagged asking if I’m going. I look at the event and see it’s my entire family invited, but I am far from the only one that hasn’t responded.  Why is she singling me out? Oh wait… I bet I know.  It didn’t matter because I was already committed elsewhere, but sure enough today the pics are posted and there he is, enjoying the day with my family. Let me just point out that I’m not jealous he was there and I wasn’t. I’m not that person. I couldn’t be there, and knew that this gave them the opportunity to invite their new/old friend.

So what’s the big deal? Why am I sitting here crying?  Because this makes me the asshole. I realized, putting it all together, that in future for any events while my family loves me and will give me first right of refusal, I am now the “should we invite Andrew? Not if Dee is coming” cunt.

As far as I see it, and please god correct me if I’m wrong in the comments cuz this is destroying me, I have two choices:

1) Skip events that I feel they will enjoy more with him, or feel that I’m an obligatory invite, or

2) Forgive him and move on.  But wait… in my heart and soul he is just as much an abuser as she was, by proxy and because he turned on me. He blocked me on FB. He never ever ever said a kind word to me to counteract what she was doing. He chose not to be in the middle, and then when I was going through the backlash he completely abandoned me. We were friends. We were FAMILY.  So, I have to swallow the years of pain, the years of watching my son in pain, the years of working with my family to get to a healthy friendship and then having him waltz back in?  I have to put it all behind me?

He’s not even tried to reach out to me. No wait, that’s a lie… he messaged me. He messaged me to ask Steve if he wants to go to soccer. That’s it. I said a while back that I didn’t feel forgiving, but anyone that knows me knows that all it takes is a few well chosen words and I will not only forgive but love you as hard as I hate you today.  I don’t hate this hard without having loved equally.  The coward has made no effort. None.

So now what? I cannot talk to my family on it, what am I going to say? I cannot make them choose. I cannot put them in a tough position. They have worked out their shit with him. I’m over here alone, scared, hurting, crying and hating that I feel like I need to back away from that social group, despite that they are my family, because I am not prepared to be ten feet tall because of him again. I’m fucking tired of always being the bigger person when it comes to him and his. I’m done. He’s the one that left us. Ive been ten feet tall in this “relationship” more than my fair share.

Times change. I’ve seen it many times in my 46 years. I always struggle with it, but end up fine. I will with this too. I just have to deal with today’s emotions of loss first, then I’ll be able to move on…. whatever that looks like.



{December 31, 2013}   hello?

Anyone want to restart this for 2014?



{April 24, 2012}   Days 15 – 19: Raygan

Ladies! How goes it? We are almost there! Yay us! I don’t know about you, but my thighs are looking gooooood! My tum is even receding a wee bit. Woot woot!

So, here is the rundown:

Day 15 (Thurs) – Bootcamp #3 – 33mins, 212cals burned

Day 16: (Fri) – Tag with the little people at elementary school for 20 minutes. 1000000 cals burned. Oodles of fun had.

Day 17:  (Sat) – not going to sugar coat it, no exercise today. Yup, I missed a day. AND I am not going to beat myself up about it, I have decided. No reason to fall off the wagon!

Day 18: (Sun) – to make up for slacker Saturday, I walked 4km in the morning, and did bootcamp for 45 minutes (350cals burned) in the evening. Atonement? I think so!

Day 19: (Mon) – Bootcamp #5, 24mins, 187cals burned.

Way to go team!



{April 18, 2012}   Bex AHH need to post yes!!

So lets see here,

Wed 11th I think for the most part on the 11th, and 12th, I walked the bridge home once 3.3 KM to get home and up the hill a few times.

Friday 13 Dad was in town so he and I walked around downtown for about 2.5 hours, It was not wandering either, he is considerably taller than I am so one quick stride of his is about 3 of mine and he walkes like he is headed somewhere all the time.

Saturday 14 Concert day, We went to The Cat Empire concert at the commador so I danced for 1.5 hours at least.

Sunday 15 Recovery day, was tired

Monday 16 this was a big day, I shipped it down the hill to work only to find the skytrain was out, so I very briskly walked to work on the bridge then on the way home I discovered again that the train was being silly so back over the bridge to home. It was also a busy day at work lots of running around.

Tuesday 17 I need to amp it up. I do not recall any extra work I did other than the typical work – walk hill thing. I did take a step counter to work one day a while back I do about 4500- 6500- steps a day at work… BIG showroom

Today, Wed 18 I am going to do a quick set of workout in my living room as soon as I am done this post. Will blog tomorrow the routine.

 

Good work everyone!!!



Week Total:   3 Hours  40 Mins

Workout cals week total:   1830

——- I gave some genuine thought to being even lamer than this due to my neck.. but convinced myself that no excuses meant just that… and that some blood flow might help.

walk:   00:35:26 mins

Distance: 3.60 km

Pace:  09:47  mins/km

Ipod Calories:       284



{April 12, 2012}   April 10 BEX

Well I am not really sure what to say, I got my heart rate up a few times in the day, nothing in particular but I did leave the house late for work and ended up hoofing it down the hill to sky train about 1.4KM I do this every day twice but yesterday was very brisk walking.. Then in the evening I was picking on Phil since I was board and figured he should entertain me, I ended up laughing with belly pain laughing for at least twenty min.

Oh yeah the gym thing didn’t work out since I got up at 4:45am to go and my senses kicked in before I got out the door, good thing too I didnt get lunch yesterday until 2pm.

 

 



{April 11, 2012}   Bex day 10

Walked the bridge to work today – 3.3km brisk pace.

heading to gym tomorrow early AM 🙂



{May 17, 2011}   Monday – Raygan

Week total: 30mins


Ran 4 kms, 281 cals

I am a fat, lazy slob. SO there.



{April 4, 2011}   Monday – Raygan

week total 37mins

Ran in a wind tunnel it felt like today! But, I went 4.54km in 37mins, burning 317cals! Yay me 



{December 19, 2010}   Sunday – Magda – marathon

first of all …ow

Week Total:  3 Hours  58 Mins

Workout cals week total:   3186

——-

Run:   2 hrs 13 mins

Distance:   21 km

Pace:   6:23 min/km

Cals:   1974

Temp:   16-19  C   Chilly but sunny

——-

HTR Monitor:

in zone (over 140 beats per minute) / training time / total time

120 /   133  /  196 mins

Max     186                            AVG   154

Work out Cals:      1974

——-

GRAND Total Cals Today:  ______



Week Total: 10:15:00

:
Friday: 1:00 Y – cardio or bosu box class
Saturday: 1:15 Y sweaty crazy aerobics class & 1:20 diving
Sunday: 1:00 Y aerobics class & 2:00 cycling

Cals: cal burner 1629 aerobics, 636 scuba, 1188 biking… = 3453

John and I have a crazy active weekend planned…. but we all know I am better at planning than DOING! Will update on monday whether I accomplished this goal or not!!



{February 11, 2010}   Wednesday – Nadine

Weekly total – 1 hour

E.T. – 1 hour

cals burned – 1025

Felt like I shoulda burned way more – this one really kicked my ass 😀



{February 4, 2010}   Nadine – Wednesday

Weekly total – 3 hours

So once again I’ve been an ass about posting, BUT I have been keeping up with my workouts…. now let me find my sticky notes where I wrote down my info… oh here we are

Monday…..

E.T.  1 hour

Cals burned – 1189

Tuesday

E.T. – 1 hour

cals burned – 1043

Wednesday

E.T. 1 hour

cals burned – 947

THERE.  All recorded and caught up 😀



{January 28, 2010}   thursday – Nadine

weekly t0tal – 1 hour

e.t. – 1 hour

cals burned – 978



{January 22, 2010}   Sucky Pants

I actually have been doing some stuff.. (not much but some)  I just have sucked about posting .. i promise to do it today or tomorrow!!!

Is it lame that I’ve missed you guys?



{January 7, 2010}   Final thought…

… all things chocolate need to fuck off and leave me alone, dammit.

That is all.



{December 3, 2009}   Yo bitches

Merry Christmas!!

like the snow?



{November 28, 2009}   New plan starting December!!

Ok, so here’s the plan.  Starting in December, I want you guys to each take an envelope and write the words “You’re Awesome” on it.

Every time you work out throw a little cash in it.  What ever you think is fair/ you can afford.  A buck, $5… 10.. 20… whatever you think you can afford.  If you worked really hard try throwing a little extra in there.

DO NOT COUNT IT… don’t even look in it.  Just keep it in a drawer, throw a little in it.. rinse repeat.

On the first of January you can open it up and count it.  What ever is in there is for a treat for you.  Whether it’s only a couple of bucks for a little something you normally wouldn’t splurge on, or $50+… you need to spend it on a treat for yourself.  A fancy pants coffee, pedicure, nice shampoo, new jeans… whatever.  You CANNOT use it for bills or day to day stuff.. you earned it for a reward for yourself!

It’s actually harder than you think to just use it to splurge on yourself.  But it feels mad good.  Ok so any questions?

Just for clarification I didn’t just spin this out of thin air, it’s a mixture of a couple of different psychology modules, that encourage maximum participation with reward/motivation/happiness influences as well as money management .  Just keep in mind most things I put together, share or do I have  gotten from reliable  sources and have generally tested myself fairly extensively.

If you want to know more about the psychology feel free to ask 🙂



{October 3, 2009}   Thursday

Where is everyone??
Week Total 3:45

Today I  biked home again.  It took 45 minutes, but there were some good hills.  It is about 8km.  (yeah, yeah I copied and pasted)

Calories burned 430



{September 23, 2009}   WEd (my birthday ;) )

Week Total: 1 hour 45 mins

Bike:   44 mins

Distance:  18.06 km

Speed    Max:    44               Avg: 24.5        km/hr

Cals:  952

Temp:   38 C

– – – – — – – — – – — – – — – – — – – – –

HTR Monitor:

in zone 42 min/  44 mins       Min-Max 77– 184   AVG 154



{March 31, 2009}   yoga + yoga + swimming

ok so I am trying to use this site more cause it is super motavating, but I am not so used to using computers. I have not been that lazy, just have not gotten to the computer.

On Thursday I had a great swim with Mag. 15 laps, in about 45 min. ( I don’t know how long a lap is .. )

On saturday I had an intence Yoga hour with Tracey and another hour today on Tuesday. Wow.  She is tough, but really  good!!! Oh me oh my!



Melissa

Time: ?

Distance: 33km

So it was only 33 Km. Nice and hilly though . Worked up a really good sweat.



{March 22, 2009}   Ok so here’s the Format

So At the beginning of your post please use this format, so that we can be consistent.

—————————

MAGDA           Week Total: 3hr, 10min

Run: 1hr 10 mins

Distance: 26.72kms

Cals:  897

Plus a 8 min circuit   and 125 sit ups

I met up with Mel this morning and we went for a ride in

________________________

So the first line should be bold-ed, have your name and your total hours.

The rest of your information, about today’s work out should be in on separate lines (I like Italics but up to you) and very basic stats.

After that you should, can write what ever you want about the workout, what was good bad, problems, who you went with etc.

I have reasons for each thing, the name so it’s obvious who’s work out we’re looking at.  The bold and name and total on the first line, so we can all easily see what’s happening.  The stats being very short and simple and on separate lines is so if you just want to check on someones stats.. they are easy and clear to identify them.  Then writing your post or information afterwards 🙂 something for everyone.

Also I made categories for Each person… so when you write your post make sure to click on your name as the category before you post it.  That way from the main page you can click on a person’s name and see all of their posts in one go.  😉 so I can check up on you and your constancy 😀

Also The week begins on Monday and ends on Sunday.  I’d also like everyone to send me the email address they would like to share with everyone and I’ll send the email list to everyone so we can ‘ride’ each other when one of us slips.

As for the measurements and stats… I think we all agreed on Posting our BMI  [here is a calculator for that] weight is really arbitrary and while the BMI is just another number at least it divided your height and weight.  We’ll also be posting our measurements, I’ll do it first and make a format for everyone to follow,  you’re all editors (or you will be) so I’m thinking you should just jump into my post and post your in the same article and then click your name on the category.  Plus I think me doing it first will be easier in the long run than trying to explain it.. maybe I’ll make a little video too.

ok that should be it.. off to do something to earn my keep 😉



{March 21, 2009}   Bike ride with Mag.

Melissa

aprox totals

Bike 30 mins

Distance 9.6km

A nice morning riverside ride. About thirty min. Don’t know how far but it was nice and sweaty



{March 19, 2009}   Yoga

had another yoga hour with Tracey : )   Wow!  handstands and all.



{March 12, 2009}   swimming with Mag

I swam off my hang over 🙂  200 cal. burned baby!

500 meters 26 min.  Happy Time !



et cetera